Blood on the rocks
by A-Box-Of-Scraps
Summary: Pepper and Tony have a bit of a fallout. Pepper wants to know what kept Tony going. Why he didn't give up. So does Tony.


Pepper Potts had some kind of Tony-is-going-to-be-drunk-I'd-better-go-stop-him superpower.

Tony had been up, late, in his lab. Fury had just left- Some crap about consulting for the Avengers Initiative- and Tony had reverted to his old-fail-safe way of coping with things he didn't want to think about. Namely, drunk science. Tony had been sitting on the floor, staring at the alcohol, and drinking coffee. Daring it, kind of. Missing it, sort of. Wondering what would happen if he reached out... Took it...

"Gotcha." said Pepper, and then Tony looked up guiltily from his crouched position on the floor. "What did Fury want?" Tony stood up. His features slipped into default cocky billionaire mode.

"He wanted to compliment me on my charm, shares on the market, tell me about the genius that was my 5 year plan, showed me in thousands of compliments about my beautiful girlfriend-" Pepper rolled her eyes. The Malibu home's furnace was running in the background. No outside noises could be heard, but Tony's lab could make as much noises as the Amazon jungle at times. Dummy's squeaking could be made out, dimly, and the silence of the shadows was deafening in it's own right.

"I worry about you sometimes." Pepper whispered, shattering the silence. "So many things happen to you... So much things you can't tell me about... Tony, I'm not going to be able to help you when you never let me in." Tony frowned at her. "If Fury was talking about something serious that I don't have enough clearance for, I understand. But I'm here for you Tony. Don't forget about that.

"Hey, who says I'm doing things I can't tell you about? I mean, things that you won't find out about anyways." Pepper didn't answer. Her face was partially hidden in shadows, and, although Tony couldn't see the frown line, he knew that it was there. "Pepper," he tried to push away this suddenly dangerous conversation, and his guilt about not telling Pepper about the Avenger's bombshell. "Hey, Pep. I just fought off Palladium Poisoning, the world knows I'm Iron Man, nobody's dead, the company's going great, you know that I wasn't being serious with Natasha-"

"This is what I'm talking about!" Tony was startled. Did she think that something actually was going on with him and Natasha? "Whenever we get close to talking about something important, something about you that we actually need to discuss, something that I can help you with, suddenly you're being all sarcastic, and the moment's gone again! I understand that you need Iron Man to defend yourself- But from me? I'm not a terrorist, Tony, let me in!"

Pepper left.

Tony reached for the alcohol.

_There's nothing but water. Water in your lungs, water in the air, water surrounding you. Hands shoving you, hands are everywhere that they shouldn't be. Blood is pooling in the water, blood that's probably yours, but your mind is to fuzzy to comprehend that. Blue swirls with red, in a __**would**__ be dance. Your head hurts. Your lungs ache. Everything is to stiff, to small, you are forced to share space with half of the pacific ocean._

_Screaming._

_You are yelling, there is pain everywhere but nowhere for it to go to. You are like an electric sponge that somebody has just thrown in the ocean. Faces mirage before your eyes. Faces that you know can't be possible, faces that you know aren't real, but you don't care. The faces trigger memories. __**Kind**__ness, hope, something that must __**be**__ love. The faces swirl, and you see that they are mixed with the same pain that you feel. The faces laugh, they scream, and then turn away so you can fight your demons alone._

_Is this __**death**__?_

_Somebody grabs your shirt collar. You panic, you scream, and you didn't think it was possible to be as scared as you are now. The hand is stronger then you can fight off, and it wrenches you out of a watery grave. Cave. Your mind registers craggy rock, dusty air, people with to many muscles and not enough brain cells. Your death will be turned into a joke. There is nothing you can do, nothing you can say. To be or not to be?_

_They push you back, and you die all over again._

The next day, both Pepper and Tony were pretending that last night in the lab hadn't happened. Tony was nursing a hangover and pretending he wasn't. Pepper said she had meetings. Tony actually went to his. Their interactions were brief. Pepper's expression was one of some kind of hurt, some kind of betrayed trust, and something else that she was trying to hide. Pepper was also beginning to realize that all Tony's emotions were fake.

Tell a joke.  
Smile.

Somebody insults you.  
Laugh.

People betray you.  
Smirk.

How much times had this happened before? Pepper knew that he'd come around. This was Tony Stark. He always came around. But how much of that was real? How much of that was the Tony mask, that Tony that 99.98% of the population saw? How much of that was real? Pepper walked down the hallway. She had a clipboard in one hand, a pen tucked behind her ear, and a single minded dedication to her to-do list.

Find Tony.  
Do something.

It wasn't a very big list yet. However, Tony was pulling the disappearing act. Everybody that Pepper talked to said that she had just missed Tony by about 3 minutes. It was frustrating. Finally she just gave up and went back to the Malibu home, curled up in her own cozy bed, and sent an email. After she sent it, she stared at it, wishing that she could take it back. After about 5 minutes, she asleep.  
~~~~~~~

**You have one new email.**

From: Pepper Potts  
To: Tony Stark  
Subject: Answer the damn email, Tony.

Hey, Tony.  
Sorry for last night.

I know you're upset. I'll try to give you space. Don't be mad, but I do think that this is going to be a bit of an issue. If you run away every time we have an argument, I'll never see you again. Instead of me screeching at you, how about this.

I stay out of your way in serious issues. I can't promise this all the time, but I can try.  
You tell me when you're going to do something stupidly dangerous. Is that ok, Tony? One phone call?

I promise I'll pick up.

Love,  
Pepper

**Reply** ↩️  
**Delete** ?  
**Move** ↕️  
~~~~~~~~~

Tony stared at the email on his tablet. He was in his lab, not hiding, shut up JARVIS, and, ok, maybe feeling a teeny bit guilty on running away from Pepper the entire day. It hadn't been that much of a fight, so he was probably being unfair just running and screaming away with no explanation. He waited until a nice, safe, 3:00 AM so Pepper was sure to be asleep. Then he snuck upstairs, and went to bed. He lay there, not doing anything, and then pulled his phone out.

**Send new email.**

To: Pepper Potts  
From: Tony Stark  
Subject: Re: Just answer the damn email,Tony

Fine, fine, fine.  
Can I text?  
What if JARVIS texts for me?

Not mad, Pep.  
12% my fault.  
I love you,

Tony ❤️  
-

_Betrayal.  
It stings almost as much as the shrapnel digging a path through your flesh._

_You can not move.  
You are frozen.  
You are still.  
You are broken.  
You are desperate._

_Your mind wages war against itself, possibilities spinning as fast as fireworks, exploding as loud as them, and none of it gives any external indication it exists.  
The couch you are stuck on is itchy._

_You do not care.  
You do not move.  
You do not yell.  
You do not break down.  
You do not cry._

_Your heart wrenches, your body would be pitching forwards if it could move. Somebody is giving bad analogies about fairy tales, and you recall 0 that the person's face is one you saw... saw... You do not remember, you can not think, and you can not bring yourself to want to remember. So much fear, so much emotion, if only there was a way to get rid of it all-_

_You are a goose at Thanksgiving, and somebody has just left to bring in the wolves._

Pepper woke up to warm arms around her. Her first thought was to wiggle out and get to her 7:00 appointment, but then the arms tightened, and the screaming started.  
Her mind snapped awake.

"Tony!" she called, twisting around. Her boyfriend was fretful, his body curling in on himself, pinning Pepper, then pushing her away. His eyes were twitching in his sleep, his mouth was open-

"Pepper! Pepperpepperpepper Yinsen yinsen I'm so sorry don't go don't leave me I'm so sorry PepperPepperpepper got to go got to get back, got to stop Obie-" he was crying, choking out the words, panicked and full of nightmares.

"Tony!" Pepper yelled, "Tony wake up!"

"Pepperpepperpepperpepper I'm so sorry forgive me Dad PEPPER Yinsen is gone, Yinsen is dead Pepper are you there Pepper are you dead pepperpepperpepper-"

"TONY!" Pepper screamed. Tony woke up with an audible flinch, his screaming stopped, he gasped out loud. "Tony!" Pepper cried, breaking down, "TonyTonyTony Don't ever scare me like that again, Don't you ever-" She clung to him, and he clung to her. They lay there, Pepper gasping and crying, Tony reassuring himself that Pepper was there, Pepper wasn't there, and trying to make peace with the ghosts of his past.

Pepper's attempt had started with trying to help Tony, but by the time 45 seconds were up, that had failed.

Instead it was Tony.

Tony who was there.  
Tony who was helping.  
Tony who was humming to her.  
Tony who rubbed circles into her back.  
Tony who didn't leave.

"What's going to happen?" Pepper asked. They were standing out on the roof, because screw it, it was their roof. After the impromptu cuddle fest, Pepper and Tony both didn't want to go back to sleep. Tony suggested a drink, Pepper suggested fresh air, and so they compromised. Things were looking up. The stars were bright, and it was beautiful looking at the moon over the ocean.

"A lot of things, Pep." Tony started, swishing his drink. "I am Iron Man. Things will always be crazy. You may always be in danger. Hell, I'm the only superhero that actually does anything. ou know, I'm the best at everything." Pepper sighed. She knew that last boast wasn't strictly true, but... He had a point. Things would always be crazy. There was no going back. Still, she couldn't help but stop herself from wanting a different answer."

"Alright." Pepper forced a smile at her boyfriend. "Remember the deal. Phone." Tony looked down at her. His expression was, for once, completely serious and focused.

"Pepper. Yes, things are going to be crazy. Stuff will go down, problems will come up, terrorists will always exist." He reached out and took her hand, putting down his drink. "But no matter how many people I have to kill. No matter how much pain I'm going through. No matter how much blood drips down the rocks.

"No matter how much contents separate us, Miss Potts, you will always come first."  
-

_Some part of you knows you should be scared._

_There is darkness surrounding you. You can not move. You know that, somewhere, in the dark, there is a gun pointed at you. One shot. They will not miss. Done are the days of running through a cave, blind. These people have caught you. They have tied you down. Soon your corpse will lie on the ground with the bodies of your friends and family._

_Some part of you knows that you should be terrified._

_Any rational person would be sweating, scared, trying to move- trying to scream- trying to do anything but sitting there, in the dark, accepting your fate of death._

_But, yet..._

_Yes, it is scary.  
Yes, it is terrifying.  
Yes, it is hopeless.  
Yes, it is dreadful._

_But it is only a dream, and those who love you will be there when you wake up._

* * *

**That's the end! I swear, I sat down to write fluff. Then. I watched 'Tony Stark - Oh No' by DailyAsguardianNews, which you should TOTALLY check out, and then... Well...**

**;P**

**Thoughts?**


End file.
